by Jasna Cameron

Perfectionism, as defined in psychology, is the desire to be without any flaws or to achieve exceedingly high standards in everything you set out to do. At a first glance, it should be a positive characteristic, shouldn’t it?

There are a few benefits of being a perfectionist which can be observed when we look at some of the overachievers we know, those who excelled in school, and those goal-getters we admire at work, climbing the corporate ladder at the speed of light.

The problem is that it often comes with an unhealthy sensitivity to other people’s appraisals and overbearing levels of self-criticism. This can be detrimental to your mental health.

If you fall into this category (as I realized I do), this article is for you.

Have you ever tasted the delicious Greek dish called “Moussaka”? It is just too scrumptious for words. After tasting the above dish in all its glory on one of my Greek island holidays, I set myself up to treat my family to this incredible experience in my very own kitchen. I had to wow them over with a myriad of vegetables so soft they would melt on their palates, a rich and filling béchamel sauce full of sneaky treats like parmesan and nutmeg which would infuse every mouthful, and savory ground meat sweetened by a delicious tomato puree and finely chopped basil, seasoned with enthralling spices delighting their taste buds.

Strangely enough what followed was a year-long journey of self-discovery, deep analysis of childhood traumas, soul-searching missions for lifetime values and goals, a dozen of self-help books by my bed, a few therapy sessions, and finally a better understanding of myself.

The whole thing got off to a very bad start. Every recipe I found either did not have all of the right ingredients or seemed far too difficult to perfect.  I also didn’t have the right measuring jug to measure the flour, my dish was too shallow, my oven light was flickering, and my oven mitts were in the wash…oh yes and I wanted to download some Greek music to listen to while I was cooking and I just couldn’t find the right song.

And to this day, I have still not produced moussaka….

What does “done is better than perfect?”

“Done is better than perfect' implies that just completing a task is much better than continuously stressing to ensure that everything about is as perfect as you think it must be for you to even begin doing it.  You can choose not to be a victim of the perfection trap.

The downfalls of perfectionism and how to avoid them

1. Stagnation

   What if you decide one day to become a vegan? Would you stand in your kitchen, trying to figure out what to throw out, what ingredients to stock up on to replace the ones you threw out, or where would be best to get these ingredients from, and how to make sure that they are as healthy as they are advertised to be?  Would you grapple with what you could make with those ingredients? What would you do if you went to someone’s house for dinner? Would you just bring your own food? What restaurants would you now start frequenting and how would you introduce this new decision to your family? Or would you still just be eating hamburgers, hot dogs, and fried chicken a year later? 

   In the very beginning, it may just seem too overwhelming to start if your aim is too high. You may not know which way to go if there are too many goals to achieve to satisfy your need for perfection. The lesson here is that it’s better to start small, than not at all. You do not have to do everything at once. One vegan snack every other day would eventually lead to a complete change of your entire diet, bit by bit without too much pressure and the accompanying feelings of inadequacy.

2. No Results

   How many times have you faced this crisis? Perhaps in your job, too many sleepless nights writing your reports, editing page by page, changing word after word because it just did not sound right. Have you missed deadlines because you were worried your work may be ridiculed?

   Always striving for perfection, which, let’s be honest, is somewhat unattainable, means you may spend more time than necessary on refining the tiniest details. If it never seems good enough because you think it is not perfect, you will never finalize your project.

   Your productivity will suffer because instead of finalizing your projects you are still stuck on perfecting a few minor details that in the long run may not have much bearing on the outcome.

3. Mistakes 

   Let’s say one day you decide to work on strengthening your marriage.  Would you research different activities for you to do together, hobbies to start enjoying together, and places to explore? Will you worry that it would lead to more problems because it just is not the right fit for a couple like you?

   Nothing is set in stone. Instead of sitting at home and not putting some effort into your marriage, whatever you decide to go and do together, even if you do not enjoy it, you will learn from your mistakes and it will improve over time.  It doesn’t have to be perfect to work.    

4. Procrastination

   Did you ever want to tone your body for those perfect beach bikini pictures?  And then joined three different running clubs and booked the best personal trainer at your gym. But you couldn’t find the time to go buy all that running gear, and you didn’t have the time to do the daily runs and you couldn’t start with the trainer before you got your fitness levels up just a little bit. So you just kept on postponing until everything was right: you wanted the perfect running gear, you had the time to run with your club every day after work, and showed massive improvement after each session with your instructor before you even started.

   If only someone had told you then that you could have just started with doing ten minutes of squats in your pajamas in your own kitchen. If you had been consistent with those few minutes of home exercise every day for six months, it would have done you better than that week of going to the gym in your perfect outfit. 

5. Save Time 

   Maybe one day you will wake up, as I did, and realize how much time you have wasted. I obsessed over working on a bunch of irrelevant details which turned into six months of stress-filled, unpleasant, substitute take-out dinner nights.  The imperfect moussaka would have been a much healthier alternative.

6. Overwork

   The countless sleepless nights of editing your reports are proof of that we overwork ourselves unnecessarily.  Even though people that work hard are very valued in every society, you also need to know how and when to rest. Do not push yourself beyond the limits to achieve that unattainable goal of perfection.  Often they don’t make much difference to the outcome. 

7. Burnout

   If you keep pushing yourself without the much-deserved break, if you keep punishing yourself because you are not managing the desired degree of perfection, your mental and physical health will suffer. Go easy on yourself, be less self-critical, and do not pay so much attention to other people’s judgment.

8. Stability

   Learning to let go of such high expectations of yourself which are not necessary to get things done, will help you find that balance that you crave. This balance will help you become more realistic with your expectations. Realizing that it is more important to just get things done as opposed to stressing unnecessarily to get them done perfectly, will help you usher in a life of balance and good mental health.

Conclusion

I did not need to make Ari Tzakis’s famous moussaka on my first try. I just had to cook the moussaka, and it would have been a good meal. I would have been able to improve it over time, without losing sleep over it. Whatever you chose to focus your attention on, whether they include massive life changes you need to implement or goals you have set for yourself to achieve, do not forget the old saying ”Nothing happens overnight”. However unattainable it may seem in the beginning, however overwhelming it may be at the start, remember the African proverb: “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

Applying the principles of “Done is better than perfect” does not mean that you settle for mediocrity. It just means that being aware of what is holding you back in your aim for perfection can empower you to overcome those obstacles. Rather just give it a go and start your projects as opposed to giving in because it may not fit into your category of “perfect”.

Just begin, one little piece at a time, one little bit, day by day, and before you know it, the momentum will take hold and you will be in the driver’s seat of that proverbial monster truck going full speed straight toward your goals.