by Jasna Cameron

We live in a world where the norm is to be driven by our constant quest for happiness. However, happiness is different for different people.  So how do we define happiness?  Some would say that happiness is defined by the goals we set for ourselves and our ability to achieve them. These could be related to our careers, our families, or even material gain. Across the board, though, the common denominator is a constant endeavor to reach those goals.

In essence, finding happiness is the ultimate riddle of the human psyche. To achieve our version of happiness, we often start unhappy first and be motivated to change that condition. So we become proactive and set about doing things to bring about the end goal of happiness. Unfortunately, this means that we start on the wrong foot from the very beginning.  We approach this process as an unpleasant means to an end that we have to push through until we are rewarded by the magic sprinkle dust of happiness at the finish line when our goals have been achieved.

However, studies have proven that once we reach our goal and let this state become the norm, the comfort zone becomes toxic. We are not happy when we are stagnant, so we find faults in our comfort zone and set different goals to shake ourselves up. So we work hard, suffer, fight, strive, sacrifice, yearn, push, pull, struggle, and then for a brief moment, we experience the ultimate rush of accomplishing our goal - and then it's gone again. But we are so addicted to that high that we immediately set up another goal for our lives.

So how do you reach a state of contentment with your circumstances?

Change your Mindset

With life experience, we start to realize that the feeling we yearn for, the culmination of goals, that sense of achievement and success, that moment of self-actualization on top of Maslow's pyramid, is always just out of reach. So while we feel as if we are constantly moving towards our life's ambitions, when we reach them, they don't deliver the satisfaction we expect.  This drive to progress and advance is at the core of evolution, but the impulse that keeps us moving forward does not have to equate dissatisfaction and unhappiness with our current status.

Extensive research indicates that finding that balance and shifting the focus from the end goal to the journey can help increase our happiness levels. Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky has proposed that we have an internal set-point of happiness that can be altered through different practices.

In the words of the psychologist William James “The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.” 

We can change our mindsets. We can become more aware of the journey itself and benefit from the here and now while still looking ahead. We have to learn to balance the two, accepting that it is good and necessary to want more, but that it is essential to be content with the present state of our lives.

The “Multitasking trap”

There are many ways that we can appreciate the present moment. One of the most helpful ones is to let go of this obsession with multitasking. Let’s face it, the more you multitask, the less you are aware of the present moment. Of course, you can lie to yourself and say that you are giving it your all, but if you are doing and thinking of ten different things simultaneously, how is this even possible?

We live in a society where there is constant pressure to optimize our time. We are pushed beyond limits to achieve the best in every aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, this mindset leads to burnout, high blood pressure, stroke, heart attacks, and other stress-induced illnesses.

How to Slow Down

An interesting study was done at the Virginia Polytechnical Insitute by Lauren Kennedy.  It examined the effects of the so-called “Slow Down Program," or mindfulness techniques, on the levels of stress of mothers with eating disorders. The results were clear.  It showed that increased awareness and enhanced mindfulness positively affected stress levels. In addition, participants were more aware and able to listen to their bodily cues when it came to feelings of hunger and satiation and overall make better food choices.

The researcher concluded that the more present we are in the moment, the more in tune we will be with our bodies and minds.

The trick is to find ways to improve the experience of the journey itself while keeping in mind that moving forward is also a crucial part of that journey.

Where and how do we find happiness along the journey itself?

There are a number of techniques we can employ to increase our overall satisfaction in life:

Compassion

A German Socio-Economic Panel Survey successfully pointed out that compassion is an excellent source of happiness on the journey towards our goals. In one study, psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky found that students who performed five acts of kindness over a few weeks reported increased happiness levels compared to a control group.

Human Connection

One other factor which gets overlooked most of the time is the effect of the human connection - this includes the value of true friendships, feelings of belonging, strong community support, appreciation by and appreciation of our loved ones. Robert Waldinger designed a multigenerational study that spanned over 75 years, highlighting these values in their relationship to an overall sense of happiness.

Gratitude

Another helpful tool for creating more general life satisfaction is a strong sense of gratitude. The Journal of Happiness Studies suggested that writing a gratitude journal can help us develop and finetune this sense. Another study published in the journal of Social Behavior and Personality confirmed that gratitude could help find happiness in the simplest things along our journey in our everyday life.

Meditation

One of the greatest and most overlooked assets always available to us, which can enhance our happiness levels by reducing anxiety and developing mindfulness, is meditation. So many studies have been devoted to this phenomenon, yet it is still largely ignored by the masses.  Every yogi, every life coach, every therapist will swear by it, yet even though it is so readily available to us, we turn our backs on it and deny its benefits with an "it just can't be that easy" dismissal. However, it is one of the most powerful and effective practices, says Psychology Today, and it can rewire your neurons to send messages of happiness to your brain.

The benefits of Positive Psychology in our quest for happiness

Unlike the Freudian obsession with childhood traumas and Behavioural Psychology’s focus on dealing with fears and phobias, the school of positive psychology focuses on the positive side of our psyche and ways to achieve mental health.

Positive psychology is a new school of psychology. It is a more refreshing way of dealing with and understating the mysteries of the human psyche. It steps away from the focus on human weakness and destructive forces and places importance on the more progressive aspects of our existence. Positive psychology supports research that can guide us to seek happiness daily and maintain a consistent state of well-being without the dramatic fluctuations we are so used to experiencing.

The main idea that drives positive psychology is that we can consciously choose to be happy. Of course, no one claims that this is easy. Still, through various mindful practices such as practicing gratitude and compassion, avoiding negative habits such as multitasking, and increasing our awareness, we can choose to be happy.

Conclusion

Achieving a goal we have worked hard for may indeed make us feel good and can make us feel temporarily successful, competent, accomplished, but does it translate into happiness?

Intensive studies have proven that this feeling of happiness, acquired in this way, will not last for long. And if this is the only way we know to experience happiness, we are in for a rough ride.  This peak only lasts for a fleeting moment, and in an instant, it is gone.