By Jasna Cameron

We are constantly plagued by the popular notion that mothers must work like we don't have children and raise children as if we don't work. As a mother, nature designed you to put the needs of others above your own. As female employees, society has placed enormous pressure on us to prove ourselves worthy and deserving of the previously male-dominated corporate world.

The bottom line is if you want to be a good employee and a good parent to your kids, you have to find ways to avoid burnout, insomnia, anxiety, and fatigue. You are juggling two very challenging and stressful environments daily, each with its own set of rules, requirements, and stressors, commanding your full attention and constant presence.

By default, you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. You have to consciously choose and fight for yourself to succeed on both fronts. Below are some strategies to help you thrive as a working mother:

Take Care of Yourself.

I love using the airplane safety analogy to illustrate this point. Always remember the famous words of every flight attendant instructing you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before attending to your children and others that may need your help. If you run out of oxygen, you won't be able to help anyone else. The same applies to everything in life; if you don't take care of yourself first, you will not be able to care for others. Nowhere is this more applicable than to working moms.

Essentially, you have to prioritize your mental and physical wellness. There are many ways of achieving this. For example, yoga and meditation, kickboxing, or running marathons; it may be through pottery and piano lessons, or it may be just reading your book and meeting your friend for coffee at your favorite restaurant. You must choose your own “oxygen mask” and wear it!

Plan and Organize Things that Matter 

Identify your priorities and divide your time between them to make life worth living. Figure out how much time and energy you devote to your children, partner, friends, interests,  community, and your health and wellness. It will be the measure of your success and happiness.  

Plan around these priorities so that they feature in your life. Of course, it does not mean that you do not have to do other things like your taxes or fix a leak in your attic, but if you plan to devote your attention to these critical aspects ahead of time, it means you will get to spend more time doing them.

During the planning phase, define the priorities that warrant more of your time and attention. Why should you spend more time on them? Because they are more important to you than the others. And that is why you should try harder to focus on them. We are all different, and our charts will be divided according to our priorities, needs, wishes, and circumstances.

Some mothers may want to spend more time at work so that they can provide better for their families. They may be able to do that because they have a sound support system. Some may be more intent on helping their communities because they see it as a legacy they are leaving for their children. Others may prioritize their health due to a chronic illness or family history, which warrants more time in this area. Allow yourself to pay some attention to each area and decide what to prioritize, diarise and organize to best help you feel fulfilled.

Ask for Help

No one will judge you if you ask for help to balance out these very demanding roles. One of the better pieces of advice I ever received was never to sacrifice my sanity and health at the altar of independence. Your competence is not reflected by how often you say, " I can do this on my own," but how well and who you ask for help when needed. Asking for help in the right places and from the right people at the right time is also a highly evolved parental skill.

Tell your sister or friend what your work demands are like and ask them to pick up the kids from school if you can’t afford an au pair. Also highly advisable, tell your boss what your family life is like so that they understand when you need to run out quickly and collect your children from school if something goes wrong.

Share the Load

Most importantly, if you have a partner, share the load, and be true partners in everything, including household chores and parental responsibilities. But also learn not to hold either of yourselves to some impossibly high standards of parenting and housekeeping. So what if the TV room is a bit messy and you get takeaways twice a week. Sometimes you can even miss a family gathering or a neighbor’s party to get some rest and recharge for new challenges.

Yes to Time Savers and No to Time Wasters

Other great advice to help you thrive as a working mom is finding time-saving hacks. This means identifying the places in your life where you waste time. For example, mine was traffic. I moved to a small town from a big city to avoid wasting time in traffic. Other tech-savvy moms rely on helpful family organizers and calendar apps, while some moms are very good at ordering groceries online and having them delivered to the house. This is a huge time saver!

Multitasking to (im)perfection

The best time saver for a working mom is her highly developed multitasking skills. You may need to let go of some perfectionism to accept it with more ease and reduced anxiety, but you will get more things done even if not all of them will be perfect by your standards.

Conclusion

You don’t want to lose yourself in your work commitments and miss out on all the joys of motherhood, but you also want to be fulfilled in your professional life and have a successful career.

Never forget that to cope with all life's got to throw at you, all the curve balls and challenges, you have to make sure you are ready to take them on. This means that you have to learn how to balance things out.

You are not failing the one crew for the sake of the other; you will do better on each side because of the other. You will be a more trustworthy, reliable and dedicated employee because you are working to secure your children's future and you will be a great mom. Not least of all because you will be a well-rounded person, strong, committed, and fulfilled, setting an excellent example for her children that they can be great at anything they set their minds on. You will also have a knack for creating meaningful ways to spend time with them because your focus will shift from quantity to quality. Allow yourself some room to find ways to best balance these two defining spheres of your life.