By Jennifer Jim

Your baby's arrival is anticipated to be a time of immense joy, as every book, social media post, and conversation with fellow moms suggests. Yet, what if feelings of shame overshadow the expected happiness? This disparity between expectation and reality can be startling and scary.

You might find yourself overwhelmed by irritability and exhaustion, feelings that starkly contrast to the joy you were prepared to experience. This internal conflict can lead to distressing thoughts: "Am I inadequate as a mother because I'm not overwhelmed with joy at my child's arrival?"  The contrast in expectation with reality feels like a personal flaw rather than a symptom of a treatable problem. 

These feelings are characteristic of postpartum depression (PPD), a serious mood disorder that does not reflect on your capability or worth as a mother. Postpartum depression is a thief of joy, making it difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep, quick to irritate, loss of pleasure, and all too easy to feel disconnected from the joy of motherhood. It's a condition that can surface anytime from the first weeks to the entire first year after giving birth, distinguishing itself from the more transient "baby blues" through its intensity and persistence.

Underneath the surface-level mood fluctuations lie deeper currents of guilt, shame, and, for some, regret. This internal struggle is not just a battle with emotions; it's a risk to both mother and child. The mental health of the mother is critical to the health of the baby, and for this reason, PDD can perpetuate a cycle of guilt that can feel inescapable.

It's crucial to recognize that experiencing postpartum depression does not reflect your abilities as a mother. Depression obscures the happiness and confidence that are rightfully yours, casting doubt on even the most loving actions towards your baby.  The symptoms falsely give the impression of a lack of motherly instincts.

The path to healing begins with breaking the silence. Sharing your true feelings with someone you trust can be a powerful step toward recovery. Revealing the depths of your struggle is not easy, but it is a critical move towards dismantling the shame and isolation that accompany PPD. Imagine if someone you loved was feeling how you currently feel.  You’d do everything in your power to support them, which is true for those who care about you. 

Seeking professional help is equally important. Whether through initial conversations with your doctor during postpartum check-ups or by reaching out to a mental health professional, accessing support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Remember, there is no incorrect method to seek help.

If you're experiencing thoughts of harm towards yourself or your baby, immediate action is necessary and warranted. Prioritizing the safety of both you and your child is paramount.

As you navigate this challenging time, hold onto this affirmation: "I am a loving and capable mom. The depression is clouding this truth." Let this be a mantra to remind you of your strength and value, even when depression casts a shadow over your perceptions.

Postpartum depression is a formidable opponent, but with the right support and resources, it is one that you can overcome. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking help, and embracing the support of loved ones, you can start to reclaim the joy that belongs to you and your journey through motherhood.