Erica McClannahan, RN, BSN, IBCLC

I recently worked with a mom in the hospital that told me she was very nervous to see me when I first came.  She let me know that the experience of attempting to breastfeed her first child was less than ideal. Her baby hadn’t fed well in the first few weeks of life, and this sent mom into a downward spiral of severe anxiety.  It became so burdensome that she had to go to an intensive outpatient therapy program every day for a month. Finally, her family was so concerned about her well-being that the couple decided to move in with her parents full-time. 

The early weeks postpartum is a time of major hormone fluctuation and sleep deprivation which can lead to postpartum depression and anxiety in anyone. Still, this mom, in particular, felt it all stemmed from the stress of breastfeeding. 

She felt immense guilt and pressure to breastfeed this time around, not because of outside pressures but because she knew the benefits of breastmilk for the baby.  Lots of moms also cope with the pressure of family, friends, and society as a whole to breastfeed and will go to great lengths to try and appease those expectations.  

I often hear mothers think of breastfeeding as the first and primary step in taking care of their child- it establishes a sense of being a good mother or not right off the bat. However, many don’t realize that being a good mother comes from many facets beyond just a feeding plan!  If you love, nurture, and care for your baby, you are indeed a good mom, no matter how you choose to feed!  And the right feeding plan is the one that works best for you and your family.  

The beauty of it is that how you feed your baby is a personal choice every individual gets to make for themself.  

Even though this mom’s new baby was only a few hours old, she said she was already experiencing post-traumatic stress and felt a dark cloud of anxiety creeping over her.  At that moment, I let her know that she could feel empowered to move in a different direction for her own health and wellness.  In choosing to move away from breastfeeding for her own mental health, she is, in fact, deciding to be a better mom so that she can care for her child from a more balanced place.  For her, choosing not to breastfeed was a choice to be more present for her baby.  

She released tears of relief and said she was so glad that someone told her it was okay not to breastfeed. But then, her entire demeanor changed as she started smiling and had excitement in her voice.  

Hours later, when I was back at my desk, the baby’s grandmother came to see me.  She hugged me and let out tears of relief of her own.  She said that I gave her daughter a sense of authority to choose what is best for her, which put life back in her eyes.  She had to care for her first daughter during a very dark time and was terrified of going down that path again.  Empowering this mom to make her own informed decisions lifted a weight off the entire family. 

My biggest word of advice for your entire labor and the postpartum journey is to remain flexible and adapt your hopes and wishes as the story unfolds.  Try to avoid becoming too attached to certain ideas of how things should go before they even happen.  Being a good mom means so many different things and looks different for every person! Finally, have grace for yourself- caring for a baby is no small task, and you are a superwoman for all you do.  

If you do feel the need for a sense of support or even the opportunity to talk about your feeding options, don’t hesitate to reach out to our team.  We always strive to support our moms with gentle compassion and a judgment-free perspective. Although there are many options for feeding plans, it doesn’t have to be black and white. Remember, this is your journey, and you are in control!