“You’re Cleared!” Postpartum Sex: What to Expect and How to Prepare
Written By Laura Silvas, RN IBCLC
Whether you had a vaginal delivery or a cesarean section, your body has drastically changed. You’ve created a life and brought that life into this world. It really is so incredible to look down at your baby and know that your body did that! However, as amazing as it is, sometimes the healing afterward isn’t so amazing. Lacerations, episiotomies, incisions, staples, sutures, and then there are those leaky breasts to add to it. You are just now feeling semi-human again at your 6-week appointment, and your doctor clears you for SEX… Now what??
Are You Ready For Sex After Childbirth?
Channeling my inner Taylor Swift here. But really, are you ready for it? Just because your care provider has given you the all clear, or even because you’re at that 6-week mark postpartum, doesn’t mean that you are ready to engage in any sexual activity again. This can mean both physically and emotionally.
In addition to your body looking different (Spoiler alert: YOU ARE STUNNING), emotionally, you may not be prepared. Your postpartum hormones are still trying to figure themselves out, sleep deprivation is the only consistent thing around, and you’re not sure if the baby will even stay asleep for any sort of romantic activities. The best thing to do? Talk to your partner!
Your partner is on your team and is walking this journey with you. While they may not know exactly how you’re feeling, or even understand, try being open and honest with them. Express your concerns! “I’m afraid it’ll hurt”, or “I’m going to leak milk everywhere!” These are common thoughts. Remember, just as things changed when you became pregnant, they have changed now. Being open about your emotions not only helps you to connect with your partner emotionally, but physically.
Ch-ch-ch-Changes
Most of the time, if you know what to expect, things don’t seem so scary, right? Let’s talk about what you may experience.
Slight discomfort: This won’t be a remake of “Like a Virgin”, but it may not be what you remember either. It truly is different for everyone. Some women feel the absolute same during intercourse after pregnancy, and others may experience a little discomfort, especially if they had a repair following delivery.
Postpartum vaginal dryness: If you’re breastfeeding, you may notice that things aren’t as lubricated down south as they were before. Thanks to decreased estrogen with breastfeeding, your tissue is thin and dry. Reassure your partner that this change has zero to do with your attraction to them, and more about the biology that takes place with breastfeeding.
Breast milk during sex: Did anyone order a milkshake? When you release Oxytocin, AKA the love hormone, milk is released from your breast tissue. There are many things that can cause milk ejection, including breastfeeding your baby, hearing another baby cry, looking at sweet videos of your family, and, yes, even orgasms. This is a natural response and nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, let your partner know it’s a compliment.
Postpartum Sex Tips:
Lubrication is your friend. That’s all.
Empty your breasts prior to intercourse. A nursing session beforehand may help you not only have a milk-drunk, sleepy baby, but also empty your breasts. The same goes for pumping. You can also consider wearing a bra or bralette to help prevent leakage. Above all else, communicate with your partner. You may or may not feel the same about breast interaction during intercourse while you are lactating.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Going back to your dating days may be helpful. If you are hesitant to fully engage in sex, start small and explore your new comfort levels as your body continues to heal.
Remember, sex is how babies are typically made. Even if you haven’t had a period or a return of your menstrual cycle doesn’t mean that you aren’t ovulating. A discussion of birth control options, condom use, natural family planning, etc, should be had with both your partner and care provider.
Go easy on yourself. Postpartum blues, anxiety, and depression, along with this new journey of motherhood, all fill your mind sometimes, making it hard to find your spark. Date nights, snuggling, and remembering to have moments alone as a couple are important for your relationship.
