Bonding Takes Time: Understanding A Feeling of Disconnection in Pregnancy
By Jennifer Jim
I confess that I fell into the trap of believing pregnancy would be about glowing and decorating the nursery. At 20 weeks, when I was still experiencing daily nausea, I started to realize the idyllic glow I’d seen in others might never come. Pregnancy isn’t always the blissful journey it’s portrayed to be. It brings about a whirlwind of physical, hormonal, and emotional changes that can be overwhelming. For many, like me, this period is fraught with morning sickness, fatigue, and an array of discomforts that can make it hard to foster a feeling of connection to the baby growing inside them.
The uncertainty of what lies ahead is a significant factor for first-time mothers. The human brain is wired to generate a certain feeling of tension and even some nervousness when facing that is unknown to us, and pregnancy epitomizes a profound leap into new experiences. It’s natural for this uncertainty to affect the bonding process as you’re preparing for a life-changing event without a clear roadmap.
Feeling an instant connection to your baby during pregnancy is a common narrative, but it’s not everyone’s reality. Bonding is a process, one that takes time and can vary greatly from person to person. It’s important to know that there’s no ‘right’ way to feel during pregnancy. Each journey is unique, and the emotions that come with it are equally diverse. If you find yourself struggling to feel a connection, you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you or your ability to love and care for your baby.
Here are 5 Ways to Navigate Your Feelings
Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step in navigating these emotions is to acknowledge them. It’s okay to feel indifferent, scared, or even disconnected. These feelings do not define your worth as a mother or predict the kind of relationship you will have with your child.
Talk About It: Find a support system where you can share your feelings openly. This could be a partner, friend, family member, or a professional counselor who specializes in prenatal care. Sharing your experiences can provide relief and may help you discover that many others have felt similarly.
Self-Care is Key: Prioritize your well-being. Engage in activities that nourish you and feel restorative. Whether it’s prenatal yoga, reading, or simply taking a leisurely walk, focusing on your well-being can improve your mood and overall outlook on pregnancy.
Seek Professional Help: If your feelings of disconnection are accompanied by persistent sadness, anxiety, or depression, seeking the support of a mental health professional is crucial. Therapies, particularly those focusing on cognitive behavior strategies and acceptance, can be incredibly beneficial.
As you navigate these feelings, it’s helpful to remind yourself that pregnancy is just one chapter of a lifelong journey. The bond with your child will continue to grow and evolve in the days, months, and years after birth. Some mothers find that the connection deepens significantly once their baby is born and they can interact more directly.
Not feeling a connection to your baby during pregnancy doesn’t reflect your capability as a mother or the love you will have for your child. It’s a temporary phase amidst pregnancy's rollercoaster of emotional and physical changes. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, and focusing on self-care, you’re taking significant steps towards embracing this unique journey, and preparing for the incredible role of motherhood.
Every mother’s experience is unique, and there’s no ‘correct’ way to feel. Extend kindness and compassion to yourself, just as you would to a dear friend. Your journey is valid, and you’re doing it wonderfully.
Reference:
Williams Jones, E (2024) Neophobia (Fear Of The New): Symptoms, Causes And Treatment. Psychology For. Retrieved from https://psychologyfor.com/neophobia-fear-of-the-new-symptoms-causes-and-treatment/
